How dare you, sir! I shall commission a satirical cartoon immediately…

Rap feuds are nothing new, but the one that has been going on between 50 Cent and Rick Ross since January has been one of the more entertaining in recent years, seeing both sides take things to amazing levels of pointless one-upmanship. But this week Ross declared himself the winner, due to relatively low first week sales of Fiddy’s new album, ‘Before I Self Destruct’.

It all started in January, when Ross released a track, ‘Mafia Music’, in which he mentioned, seemingly for no reason, the fire which had burnt down the home of Fiddy’s estranged partner and their child (said partner had accused Fiddy of being behind the fire, accusations he strongly denied). Taking it like the grown-up he is, 50 Cent promptly released his own track, ‘Officer Ricky’, in which he pointed out that Ross once worked as a prison guard. And so, a beef was born.

Since then, both men have insulted each other in the press, and released a few of those obligatory ‘diss songs’ each. But more, oh so much more than that, is the war that has waged on the internet, which has seen Ross set up a website dedicated to insulting Fiddy’s thirteen year old son, Marquise, and Fiddy commissioning a cartoon series, called ‘Officer Ricky’. Both have also enlisted each other’s former partners, and on occasion children, for videos and photo shoots.

50 Cent also published footage of Ross collaborator DJ Khaled’s mother at work, seemingly recorded without her knowledge. Although Fiddy was forced to apologise for that, of all the stunts, after it received widespread criticism from fans, journalists and other musicians. Because apparently that’s worse than starting up a website to insult a thirteen year old child.

But, anyway, it’s all over now. Or so says Ross. At a birthday party held for DJ Khalid last week, he announced to the assembled crowd that they were also celebrating “the demise of a pussy”, due to the fact that ‘Before I Self Destruct’ had only shifted 161,000 copies in the US in its first week, which by mainstream rap standards, aint that good.

Though it would only be fair to point out that Ross’ last album, ‘Deeper Than Rap’, shifted 158,000 in its first week, which was down significantly on his previous LP. He should probably hold off gloating until the release of his next one, ‘Teflon Don’, next spring. And let’s not forget, 50 Cent has a platinum mining business to fall back on, should this whole music thing go tits up.

This is my editorial from the 4 Dec 2009 edition of CMU Weekly, which you can take a little looky at here.

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