Yeah, but could Tom Waits come up with this?

This week, Tom Waits announced that he’s releasing a new two-disc live album recorded at various dates on last year’s ‘Glitter And Doom’ tour. Disc one will feature songs, while disc two will feature just between-song chatter.

Now, I’ve never seen Tom live, so I’ve no idea if his gig ramblings are worth listening to minus the music. Perhaps they are. But this got me thinking, if I was putting together an album of just gig chatter, what would I put on there? What are the most memorable things musicians have ever said on stage at gigs I was at?

Here’s what I came up with:

Slint. At a show where they played their ‘Spiderland’ album in full, the only words uttered from the stage throughout the whole gig were: “Who called me a cock end?”

Symposium. Just prior to the release of their first single, they managed to worm their way into supporting the Red Hot Chili Peppers at Wembley Arena. At one point frontman Ross Cummins squawked: “We were playing in pubs last week!”

Radiohead. Okay, this isn’t one I was at myself, but I do hope to one day be at a show where someone says: “This one’s dedicated to the girl who just shouted: ‘Help me, Thom, I’m dying'”.

Patrick Wolf. While explaining at length how very heartfelt the love song he was about to play was, someone threw a can of beer at him. He then proceeded to call that person a “fucking mutant” for about three minutes.

The Prodigy. There is no reason to go to V Festival ever, it’s horrible. However, the one time I mistakenly went was made almost worthwhile when Maxim shouted at people frequenting nearby food stalls: “Hey, you! Why are you buying food? You don’t need food. This is food!”

Whether Tom Waits’ on-stage banter can match the quality of any of those proclamations I know not. I guess we’ll find out next month when the album is released.

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